*'TABALIST'

Each night brings with
it a chain of nightmares
to her.
Onset of sunsets
gift her irrational
unfounded fears .
Alone, like a hermit
shuts she the door
from behind with the arrival of darkness,
like an uninvited guest each day
and locks it from inside.
Still the sense of safety
a mirage to her
Hands folded across her chest
moves she to and fro
in the milky light
flooding inside,
Fed up, stops midway,
seated on the chair
hands resting on the table,
switches on and off,
on and off, on and off,
the table lamp.
Again fed up,
starts she thumping
the desk
like a Tabalist
thumps his instrument,
in quick succession
his fingers restless
Whenever fear like a demon,
bares its frightening features
approaching her
to gulp her down
her rhythmic finger movements
gain momentum.
River of memories flows down the lane
for a while.
..................When she and her
sweet-heart
seated side by side
during the silent moments
unawares, unawares
her fingers had begun
to play 'Tabla'.
'Dear' he would ask
'you fear something
something I'm sure
tell me'
gloomily, reluctantly,
she would smile,
tired smile.
But on insisted by him
reply she would
'fear of losing you
to somebody'.
She would answer, lips quivering
'Take it from me,
never ever such a thing
would happen believe me'
holding her hand,
close to his heart
he would promise
and his promise stayed forever
she felt him, touched him,
read him, fathomed him
'but it was me, me, me......who,'
clouds of self-contempt covered her eyes, face
profusely flowing tears
wetted her pillows
in thick darkness but
none, even her snoring
new life-partner knowing it
Hatred, mixed with tears
would she watch him
gritting her teeth.
He wanted, always wanted
her body nothing but
her body
not her love, not her soul,
woke up she , slumped into the bed,
eyes close to the pillows
she....
* A percussion instrument