THE SHADOWS

From the sunrise of my life

 I had a hobby of

watching and enjoying  shadows

my shadows, others’ shadows

even the shadows of plants and trees

and their leaves and flowers engaging in

dancing on the whitewashed walls of my home.

Lengthened shadows,

shortened shadows,

and medium shadows, 

all shadows

in the sun and night.

Whenever my grandmother

saw me watching shadows

in the night or during the day

she wasted no opportunity

to admosnish me

not to look at shadows .

‘It is not a good habit, my child

watching shadows’ – she reminded me, reprimanded me

even pinched my ears frowning at me.

It was my pleasure to

run my fingers through

her silvery hairs reminding one of cotton wools

which looked like her pure white village dress.

She was too fond of me that

whenever she got something

new to taste, chew and swallow

mouth-watering mango fruits, bananas,

oranges, sweet and tasty eatables.

She would call me to the kitchen

while playing with my friends

would whisper to me – ‘Don’t

tell your friends, have it’

mango fruits, grapes, oranges ,

bananas, eatables…..

Despite her sweet advices and cajoling

reprimands and even pinching

when it came to the habit of watching shadows.

I continued to indulge in the hobby stealthily

without her being aware of.

It was something mysterious

the shadows moving to and fro  

watching them playing and

imitating me on the whitewashed walls of 

my home.

I began to hate shadows

and to fear shadows

of myself and others

since my grandmother’s death.

Though I hated them, feared them

since her death

once in a while my

eyes would cajole me to

watch my shadow

but in the next second

I turned back in hatred and fear.

But now in my middle-age

with remorse

I realized

I was running after shadows

still run after shadows

and as long as  I am alive

I have no escape from shadows.

Sometimes I feel

I am chasing shadows

since the sunrise of my life

which is true?...... I know not…