IN ANTICIPATION

Each time,
the desire to see her
and meet her
welled-up within me,
I nipped the desire
in bud
still the welling-up
that intense feeling
even after days, months
and years passed by
each suppression
caused each rebound.
Still I held back
still I withdrew into myself
but no
her image
as if in a celluloid poem
appeared before me.
After years of interval
again I reached the city
not to see her
not to meet her
but for other reasons
that obsessional thought
that image glued to
the wall of my mind
dragged my legs forward
in search of her
yes, that welling-up
of desire.
I knew
she is very much
in the city
like a living reality,
a beautiful reality
I knew where would
she be most probably
my legs guided me
dragged me towards
her apartment
I just wanted to
have glimpse of her
and then without
she being aware
withdraw and go back
but no
as if she was expecting me
as if she was anticipating my visit
she was sitting idle in her room
looking in my direction.
Eyes met
now no escape
I entered the room
she ran towards me
no looking around
locked in a prolonged embrace
we stood
tears rolled down
tears mingled
no
we couldn’t face
each other
and we couldn’t move apart
for minutes at a stretch….
‘I was waiting for you
for you’…
- she wept on